i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
