I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
