She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
