U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
