the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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