he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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