question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
