Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
