it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
