I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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