you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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