I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
