The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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