mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Randomize
