You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
