I must be too annoying 4 u.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
