Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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