So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Someone shit on the floor
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
My liver just had a heart attack.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
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