I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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