omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Randomize
