he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
