By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
