It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
