Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
