Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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