how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
