flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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