So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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