no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
