Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
