I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
