How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
