is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
