can u get pink eye on your cock?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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