I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
