he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
