I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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