Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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