Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
