The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I'm both gender and math confused
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