Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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