I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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