THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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