I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
