Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Success! We fucked roommates!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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