Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
