please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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