my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
