please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
