i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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