I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
