Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
