Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
