I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
