two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
