Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
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